This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
