I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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