tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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