put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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