I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
