Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just threw up on my dentist
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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