dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
