you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
