The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
