Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
