I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
