He kissed a someone with a penis
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
