Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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