Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
