Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
