and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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