id be glad to
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
