Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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