I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
