last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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