Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
