Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
