just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
