If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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