Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
