and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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