I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
