I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
