i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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