Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
