What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
