I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was confusing and full of hummus
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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