You're so nebulous sometimes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
