she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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