Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
