If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
