Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
