That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
