You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
