Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
