if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I skipped work to stalk him.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
worst night to have a conscience
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
