Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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