with your own penis?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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