wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
