dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
