I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
