last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
