he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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