you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
