So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
