This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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