I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
vagina is talking i cant
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
